I'm walking to the grocery store; it's August and hot in the city. I have four, chilled Reese's Peanut Butter Cup miniatures in my bag.
Well, I DID have Reese cups in my bag. I had just savored the third one, as I approached a homeless man on the sidewalk near Seward Square.
I recognized him. He's usually near 5th and Pennsylvania Avenue, SE. He's always dressed for winter, even in 90 degree weather. He's black, in his 50s, always friendly. The last time I passed him, he greeted me boldly, and I gave him a Reese cup. I felt good about it.
Today was no different. I saw him getting closer and closer as we walked toward each other. I thought, "How nice. Here's my last Reese cup. I'll give it to him." Plunging my hand in my bag, I reached for the candy.
He stared into my eyes as I reached to hand off the candy as before. Would he remember me? No matter.
He said, "Hello, Ma'am. Would you please spare 90 cents for me to buy some water?"
In an instant, I said, "I don't have it." I let the Reese cup fall into his arthritic palm. He smiled and thanked me earnestly for the treat.
As I walked away, I felt awful. Conscience had pierced me. What if he collapsed in the next 20 mins, for lack of water, having eaten that Reese cup? I hadn't helped him at all. I did what was easy and convenient for me, and told myself that I was being helpful. He asked me for help, and I refused. What occurred to is not about me, my feelings, my convenience. It's about someone else. Charity means truly helping - not just giving blindly and hoping it helps.
How many others, like me, tell themselves that they are helping people, when the real impact of their efforts is very minimal? Or they give something that's not needed. But they give anyway because it's easy and feels good.
I'm here at the grocery store now. I'm going to buy an extra bottle of water.
**90-minute-later update: I did buy that bottle of water. I walked back along my original route and saw him. Sitting on a park bench, he looked at me and smiled. I pulled the bottle of water out of my bag. Condensation dripped from it; it was so cold, relative to the heat and humidity of that Monday afternoon. He reached for it, his gnarled hands eager.
"I was thinking of you," I said, with a smile. "Thank you, thank you!" he said.
I walked off. "Miss Lady!" he said.
I turned around.
He blew me a kiss.
I blew him one back, turned, and kept walking.
4 comments:
I don't know -- I think what you did was better. You want to think that if you had given him that 90 cents he would honestly be getting that water. But what if he didn't? Bringing him back a water ensured he got what he needed for sure. I'm a big advocate of food/clothing/whatever over money. So kudos to you there.
Thank you, LJ. It felt good to go back and give him what he requested.
He didn't need the Reese cup, but what a nice treat when you're homeless; and I'm going to go out on a limb and say he didn't need the water from you, since water can be easily obtained from many sources without charge (although your chilled water certainly would have hit the spot for him on a day like today).
No, I think the real charity you gave him today was simply acknowledging his existence, having compassion for his situation, and perhaps most importantly returning a blown kiss. How often do you think a homeless man in his 50's gets blown kisses from a beautiful young woman? That might have made his day! Well done!
Your post just warmed my heart. There's an elderly gentleman that sits outside my work everyday and I'm always tempted to get him something from the CVS next door. I'm sure others think the same thing and always wonder if anyone actually comes through. Maybe I'll be that person today.
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